There be Monsters

This is not my picture

There be monsters just behind that first page.  The front may look passing maybe even good, if you squint one eye and strain your imagination.  But after that; beware.  Past that opening scene or first page the words contrive to scramble themselves into undecipherable knots.  Even the best characters suddenly find they can not bare the weight of the plot and pressure.  They over react to the smallest things and fall flat on their faces.  But please don't mention the plot.  It throws people here and there with no regard for them personally.  Even Hercules would not survive the terrible plot that is waiting behind this first page.  In fear and quacking I open the book and try not to let the panic and drama that is pulling the words down make me forget how much I like this story.  This story that I've worked on for the past two years, how could it be so bad? 

This past week I started editing the first Nightin book.  At one point I had Talitha read a scene from the beginning.  When I had first written it I thought it was pretty good.  But listing to her read it was agonizing.  Afterwards I wanted to delete the whole thing, so no one else would ever see it.  Instead I quickly changed documents and started working on something else.  The next day I was back at it, forcing out the words that fought against me.  Finally I had to stop for a minute. 

"What am I doing?  This whole story is terrible, what is the point of rewriting it.  The rewrite is as bad as the first draft." 

That's what I was thinking to myself.  Then I remembered all the times I heard about not giving up on your writing.  Every time I would hear about cutting yourself some slack I always nodded sagely.  "Oh yes of course, I never expect perfection from the first draft."   Till I actually did some editing, and discovered that I couldn't even expect mediocrity.   Editing is scary.  I have to go back and read that terrible story and try somehow to turn it into something worth reading.  Something I could give to someone else to read without cringing.  But the only way I know to make it better is to go over it.  Then go over it again.  And again and very likely a few more times.  I just have to keep telling myself that I am a writer even when I don't feel like one and even when my stories look like a bad soup opera.  I'll have to be brave enough to look that story in the face and pray that one day it will be worth so much work. 

If you have any advice for chasing out the monsters please feel free to drop a comment.
Have a very blessed week.
Morgan J